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Thom Toffner

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as lonely as it gets [May. 2nd, 2009|09:43 am]
Thom Toffner

as lonely as it gets, originally uploaded by notsogoodphotography.


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are you missing me? [Aug. 19th, 2006|12:37 am]
Thom Toffner
UPDATED in case anyone missed this on the last go-round.  If you've noticed the lack of me, read on..

I'm sure most of you are aware that all the entries posted to my livejournal are automatically cross-posted from my real website. Most of the time this works ok, but sometimes it doesn't and is a real hassle to fix when it breaks.

With that in mind, I've decided (for good this time, *crosses fingers*) to stop with the crazy automatic cross-posting and just let RSS handle the syndication to you livejournal people. Honestly, most of the people that see and comment on my posts do so from livejournal, so it's pretty important to me that I continue to to post here, I just want the hassle to go away.

With that in mind you have 3 choices:

1)  Do nothing and stop seeing posts from me. This is by far the saddest option and will make me cry. 

2)  Add nyquilorg_feed to your friends list to continue seeing exactly the same content you were seeing before today.


3) Add nyquilnetwork to your friends list to see all that plus other occasional interesting things including my wacky comics, crazy recipies, interesting links, funny videos I find and various other stuff.  Essentially just more of me than you're currently getting.

Anyway, thanks for reading, and I hope to see you all on the flip side.
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Water Pipeline? [Jul. 21st, 2006|08:46 am]
Thom Toffner

Thinking about the cost of purchasing water yesterday got my mind heading into directions it hasn’t gone before. Like a cartoon lightbulb blinking alight above my head, an idea suddenly illuminated the dark empty parts of my brain as things suddenly became clear. (There are lots of those empty places, and they require lots of light, so this doesn’t happen very frequently.)

Here was what my idea sounded like:

“I bet if there were some way to remove shipping costs from the equation—like, for instance, with a network of pressurized tubes running to each home—it would be possible to get the cost of water much, much lower than $0.89 for 20 ounces, while completely eliminating the need to lug heavy cases of water from the grocery store.

In addition to a lower cost, the ‘cool factor’ of having a receptacle that dispenses 20oz bottles of water from your sink would be a real benefit. I mean, it’s not like the sink is doing anything for me now. How come nobody has thought of this before?”

At first I was thinking that using air to move the bottles along the pipes would be the way to go (you’ve seen this system in action at your bank’s drive-thru), but the more I thought about it, I decided that water might be a more efficient medium to move the bottles from place to place.

I’m not sure who to talk to to get this to happen, but I think a network of pressurized, water-filled tubes to whoosh bottles of water from place to place really needs to become reality, if only to help those of us with bad backs drink more while suffering less pain.

Hey! Now that I think about it, I think there are currently pressurized water-filled tubes running to my house that are sitting there unused! That seems like a good place to start, so I’m going to call around to see who is in charge of them and what would be involved in modifying them.


Negative Cost Ingredients? [Jul. 18th, 2006|06:55 pm]
Thom Toffner

On the way to work the other day I stopped at a convenience store to pick up a couple bottles each of Vault and water. Inexplicably, the 20oz bottles of Vault were $0.59, while same-sized bottles of water were a whopping $0.89, which is at least $0.10 more each. This seemed really strange to me, considering that Vault is like 95% water, meaning that at the very least, it should be 95% of the cost of the pure water, plus the cost of the remaining 5% ingredients.

The only explanation I can come up with is that somehow, the remaining 5% of Vault’s ingredients actually incur a negative cost, making it cheaper in the long run.

As strange as this seems, it does actually explain all the unpronounceable mystery ingredients present in everything you buy; my guess is someone* is paying companies to include them. Imagine how much money an enterprising individual could make marketing a beverage that contains only those negative cost ingredients. They’d be rich for sure.

Keep your eyes peeled for new Alistair Hoel®’s brand Sodium Benzoate and Erythorbic Acid Coolers, in both Potassium Citrate and Carob Bean Gum flavored varieties.

*: This “someone” is most likely the government. After all, sodium benzoate is a well-known mind-control drug.


is that a snake in that snake's trousers? [Jul. 15th, 2006|09:41 pm]
Thom Toffner

A couple days ago I was listening to Australia’s fine science show (which is aptly entitled “The Science Show”) when a snake expert dropped a bombshell. He casually mentioned that snakes have two penises (penii?). He also mentioned that in regard to the usage of penises (penii?), some snakes are apparently “left-handed”, others are “right-handed”, and still others just use whichever of the two is most convenient at any given time. He didn’t specify whether or not they can use both simultaneously. (Note to self: check the Internet for snake threesomes.)

That was the coolest thing I’ve ever heard, but within minutes I was blown away yet again. The snake expert mentioned that the male snake’s kidneys exude some sort of chemical at the end of the ejaculatory process which finds its way into the female snake’s vagina before hardening into an impenetrable plug. This prevents any other snakes from having sex with this particular female until the male’s semen has had time to fully fertilize all her eggs.

Now that’s what I call “cock blocking.”


Portable Gaming [Jul. 13th, 2006|09:43 am]
Thom Toffner

I’ve owned a PSP for a little over a year now, having decided at purchase time that it was the portable gaming system for me. I decided that for the following reasons:

1) Homebrew capability without the need for any ‘modchip’ or third-party add-on hardware.

2) Awesome games like “SOCOM” and “Grand Theft Auto”—none of the crap Nintendo has been putting out for years.

3) The ability to play movies without some kind of add-on.

4) The dead sexiness of that shiny black device.

Last January I had a 25% off coupon for Toys ‘R’ Us that applied to hardware, so I picked up a Nintendo Gameboy DS thinking that I would hate it but be able to sell it for a profit if I did. I think it was about 2 days later that Nintendo started talking about the new ‘Lite’ version that would be coming out, thus killing any chance of profit. In any case, I spent all my time with the new PSP games that I picked up with said coupon and didn’t even look at the DS until a week or so ago, thinking it was stupid and not as cool as the PSP.

I was wrong.

The following are the reasons why the DS is better than the PSP and is therefore the portable gaming system for me:

1) “The crap Nintendo has been putting out for years” turns out to be exactly the type of game I am interested in playing. Other than many hours spent playing “SOCOM” over the Internet and the occasional bit of “Virtua Tennis”, none of the PSP games I have hold much interest for me anymore when I’m out and about—which is the time I’m most interested in gaming. There aren’t any new games out that I’m interested in for the PSP, but 5 minutes at the store turned up tons of DS games that interest me. (Puzzley games and games to make my brain work, mainly.)

2) I’ve played movies on my PSP a total of zero times due to the fact that it only plays special discs you have to buy or specially crafted MPEG-4 files. Crafting said MPEG-4 files takes way too long and is way too much effort.

3) Sexy isn’t as important as fun to be with.

4) The third-party add-on to enable homebrew is very reasonably priced. In fact, owning a DS is still pretty much half the cost of a PSP even after adding that cost, not to mention that games for the DS are cheaper.

I’m now looking forward to picking up the DS Lite, because it is both fun to be with and sexy.


PD F-You [Jul. 11th, 2006|08:12 pm]
Thom Toffner

I’ve been thinking a lot about Adobe/PDF since the recent flap between them and Microsoft. Particularly about how Adobe’s efforts to make PDF into a ubiquitous format have been largely defeated by the awfulness of every version of their Acrobat PDF viewing software. Seriously, Acrobat sucks.

This line of thinking got me thinking about the name “Adobe” as well. I seriously can’t think of a more appropriate name for them to have taken than that of a building material composed primarily of shit.

Now that’s what I call forethought.


Pharmaceutical Progress [Jul. 10th, 2006|08:48 pm]
Thom Toffner

I spend a lot of time sitting on stools. Whether it be reading the ingredients on the Cheerios box in my breakfast nook, suckin’ down cold ones at the bar or kissin’ Flo’s grits at the diner, nearly every free minute I have is spent sitting on stools.

That said, lately I’ve been finding that my posterior is, more often than not, rather tender. I’m not sure whether it has something to do with the extra elevation afforded by my choice of seating or what, but it is clear these stools aren’t agreeing with me.

A few minutes ago I was at the pharmacy looking for something to relieve the tenderness in my buttocks when I spied the perfect thing: Maximum Strength Stool Softener. Here I was trying to find a remedy to treat the symptom of a problem, when those great public servants in the pharmaceutical industry have gone and solved the problem altogether.

I have no idea how taking a little pill could actually affect the physical attributes of furniture, but I’m pleased as punch that this is now an option. What a lifesaver. The recommended dose is 1 pill, but due to the severity of my problem, I just went ahead and took 5.

Thanks, pharmaceutical industry!


(no subject) [Jul. 7th, 2006|02:56 am]
Thom Toffner
This is only a test of posting to livejournal via Writely. If you want a writely invite, just let me know.
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XGL showoff [Jul. 7th, 2006|01:28 am]
Thom Toffner

I recently installed the new fancy-schmancy Apple Quartz inspired XGL rendering system that you may have been hearing about on my Ubuntu laptop. Even more recently, I captured a little video showing off what all XGL is capable of, and I now share it with you.

Please ignore my cat’s incessant meowing, and my close-to-the-camera thumb that keeps appearing in the bottom of the screen, looking very much like a penis. I swear it is just my thumb :)

(Click here)

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